Personalized Wedding vows for him
When Bryan and I made the decision to write wedding vows, there wasn’t much on the Internet that we could find to point us in a starting direction. So, for the most part, I winged it. I collected every snippet of info I could find on personal vows, then we cut, pasted, wrote, tweaked, and deleted until we had something beautiful and meaningful. Later, I found an APW classic on how to write your own vows and felt pretty bad for Past Lucy, since it was nearly everything she needed to begin with. However, so you don’t have to spend the same (ridiculous) number of hours I did going down the “how to write wedding vows” Internet rabbit hole, I’ve expanded and updated our classic how-to, to take you from start to finish.
Related: Real Wedding Vow Examples
1. Make the decision to write wedding vows (formally). You might have known that you’ve wanted to write your vows for years and years, but maybe your partner does not. Talk to them! Decide together that you definitely want to write them. There is nothing wrong with saying traditional vows. (Meg and David did!) But if you’re going to DIY this, both of you have to be equally committed to this concept. If not, it’s going to show in your vows.
2. Clear it with your officiant. This is an important first step that’s easily forgotten. Catholic, Episcopalian, and Jewish congregations, for example, may require you say all or part of the traditional vows. Often this won’t preclude also saying vows that you wrote, but you’ll want to know what the rules are (and what the religious reasoning for them is) up front. Some officiants may ask to review your vows before the ceremony, so be prepared to have them early if this is the case.
3. Work out the details. Will you write your vows together, or separately? Will you show them to each other beforehand, or will you keep them a secret until the ceremony? Do you want to set a due date for when you need to have your vows written? (Hey, you might laugh, but tell me you don’t know someone who wrote their vows the day of the wedding night before.)
4. Decide on a structure for your vows. Particularly if you’ve decided that you will not see each other’s vows before the ceremony, it’s not a bad idea to make sure both of you are going to be vowing somewhat similar things. You don’t want to be promising to care for someone on their deathbed, while they’re promising to always DVR Grey’s Anatomy for you. Having a structure will also help you keep your word limit, and help your vows match your partner’s. Even though we looked over each other’s vows beforehand, Bryan and I decided to use the structure below as a jumping off point. It gave us a place to start, while still allowing us to write using our own voices.
[Name] I take you to be my [husband/wife/partner]. I will love you unconditionally and without hesitation, for it is your heart that moves me, your spirit that inspires me, your humor that delights me, and your hand I want to hold for all of our days.
I promise __.
I promise __.
I will __.
I will __.
I promise to love, respect, and trust you, and give you the best of myself, for I know that together we will build a life far better than either of us could imagine alone.
Finding a structure that works for you may require some tracking down, but don’t be afraid to mix and match from lots of examples you find.